OK, this really will be my last “waiting for SNB results is making me crazy” post. I finally had someone return my call to the surgeon’s office. She said that he would discuss the results with me at my post-surgical appointment. Which isn’t until the 11th. Why did he say the results would be back in 10-12 days if I wouldn’t know about them until a month later???? I took it to mean that I would get the results. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass when he gets them. There was never any mention of having to wait until my next appt. I could swear he said he’d call as soon as they were back. I am so pissed I can’t see straight.
I am trying to readjust my thinking. You know, first I could put it out of my mind (sort of, a little) by telling myself that I wouldn’t know for 10-12 days, so just live life until then. Then after Christmas. Then, you know, things are probably backed up, so after New Year’s for sure. Now I have eight more &(*!@) days to sit and worry and wonder what ifs and research too much and make myself crazy.
At least I can stop carrying both phones around with me all day, every day, anticipating/dreading every time one of them rang.
And I can’t help but think that if the results were good, they would tell me over the phone. I have no idea if this is standard procedure or not–and if it is, I sure wish he would have told us that. Which he did not. And frankly, I’d rather hear whatever they may be at home, and have some time to sit with them, be they good or bad, before talking options. And should the news be bad, I do not want to break down into a raging lunatic in the surgeon’s office. Much rather do that in the privacy of my own home, thank you very much.
So, I’ll be living in limbo, a little less optimistic and a lot more freaked than I was earlier today.
Damn!!!!!!!!!
On a positive, I hope, note, I did get an appointment with my PCP to get my non-MM leg checked out today, so maybe I can at least get both feet back under me in a literal sense, if not a figurative one. Of course, my brain being the disaster hound it is, immediately went to, “sure hope the knee pain isn’t the melanoma metastasizing in my leg bones.” Which I am sure it is not. But I can’t shut that voice up, either.
Just spoke with DH, and he says he distinctly remembers the doc saying he’d call us as soon as the results were in, too, both in the consult and post-surgery while I was still out of it. I am definitely getting a digital recorder to bring to the next appointment. DH was the note-taker, but I think he gets more freaked out than I do.
I am so disappointed, no, that’s the wrong word. Let’s call it disheartened. Like someone just threw a giant lead coat over my shoulders.
